Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman
This book is subtitled "One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting." This is a personal investigative study by Pamela Druckerman who wanted to find out why France seems to have “a fully functioning society of good little sleepers, gourmet eaters and reasonably relaxed parents.”
The American way of parenting that the author described in the book are very similar to the practices I see here in the Philippines, at least for the same demographic, because we absorb a lot of American culture from TV, books, movies, etc. I know I speak for all parents when I say we just want to do right by our kids. It’s a big responsibility teaching them how to navigate life, be independent, compassionate, responsible, God-fearing. And nobody has it all figured out. We have some guiding principles and then see how things fit on a day-to-day basis. I read a lot about child-rearing in the very early years. This book would have been a great resource as well.
What impressed me about French society is that they have systems and institutions that support families with children such as four months of maternity leave, financial support, subsidized day care (crèche) and free pre-school. That alone would be a dream. They believe it’s important to not allow one aspect of life, like parenthood, overwhelm all others. Even stay-at-home parents put their children in daycare to be able to focus on other things during the day. We, on the other hand, put a very high premium on being 100% hands-on and many women feel guilty once they have to go back to work. I have great respect for mothers who find fulfillment in being full time homemakers but I really think that’s not for me. I know I am a better mother to the kid because I do something else as well. On the other hand, I also feel sad for his classmates who only have their yayas attending school programs. That’s the other extreme naman. I am just thankful that my work (flexi hours!) has allowed me to be present at all of Neil’s programs, even the small ones. This balance is a gift.
Sleeping habits are established very early for French children. It is common for them to sleep uninterrupted through the night by 4 months old. They practice The Pause, during which they try to figure out if the child can get back to sleep by himself or have a real need that should be addressed. The pause is practiced in other areas as well. It is not merely waiting but also understanding the child’s patterns so that they can be eased into the family’s pattern as well.
Eating habits are obviously superior in France because they have an excellent culinary culture to begin with. Kids are introduced to a wide variety of food, even the babies are not babied. The preparation is adjusted according to their age but the menu is as varied as an adult’s. The author attended a meeting with the chefs of the crèches to discuss the meal plans and the dishes all sounded so gourmet to me. They pay a lot of attention to making kids appreciate different tastes and textures. This is the practice in French homes as well. They serve meals in courses and then talk about the different tastes during the meal. They also have set – breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner. No snacking in between.
French parents also expose their kids to many environments primarily to awaken their senses, not to learn a skill, be good at or win. They also do not interrupt the process of discovery. They just let kids play by themselves in the playground and not constantly hover over them, telling them what to do next or describing everything that’s happening.
Two experiences highlight the cultural differences for the author. She took her daughter to get immunization shots and she apologized for the pain that’s coming. The doctor corrected her, said it’s part of life and she should not apologize for it. In pre-school, her daughter came home with a gash in the cheek but would not say how it happened. Teachers at school also did not know and thought she made too big a deal out of it. A sharp contrast to the US, where the incident would have merited investigations and home visits. I think Filipino parenting is somewhere in between because we believe some germs are good for kids.=) Neil came home with a scratch on his elbow yesterday. He tripped while playing tag his friends. No biggie. I asked him if he cried and he said no. I think it helps kid to get tough when the parents treat these pains and inconveniences as part of life that they have to learn to overcome.
It’s good to be equipped with information but an important part of a parent’s job is in figuring out what works and adapt. There are a lot more stories from the book that were really eye-opening to me but this is getting long. Let me just say that aside from being informative, this was an enjoyable read as well. Two thumbs up.
Book #4 for 2014
The American way of parenting that the author described in the book are very similar to the practices I see here in the Philippines, at least for the same demographic, because we absorb a lot of American culture from TV, books, movies, etc. I know I speak for all parents when I say we just want to do right by our kids. It’s a big responsibility teaching them how to navigate life, be independent, compassionate, responsible, God-fearing. And nobody has it all figured out. We have some guiding principles and then see how things fit on a day-to-day basis. I read a lot about child-rearing in the very early years. This book would have been a great resource as well.
What impressed me about French society is that they have systems and institutions that support families with children such as four months of maternity leave, financial support, subsidized day care (crèche) and free pre-school. That alone would be a dream. They believe it’s important to not allow one aspect of life, like parenthood, overwhelm all others. Even stay-at-home parents put their children in daycare to be able to focus on other things during the day. We, on the other hand, put a very high premium on being 100% hands-on and many women feel guilty once they have to go back to work. I have great respect for mothers who find fulfillment in being full time homemakers but I really think that’s not for me. I know I am a better mother to the kid because I do something else as well. On the other hand, I also feel sad for his classmates who only have their yayas attending school programs. That’s the other extreme naman. I am just thankful that my work (flexi hours!) has allowed me to be present at all of Neil’s programs, even the small ones. This balance is a gift.
Sleeping habits are established very early for French children. It is common for them to sleep uninterrupted through the night by 4 months old. They practice The Pause, during which they try to figure out if the child can get back to sleep by himself or have a real need that should be addressed. The pause is practiced in other areas as well. It is not merely waiting but also understanding the child’s patterns so that they can be eased into the family’s pattern as well.
Eating habits are obviously superior in France because they have an excellent culinary culture to begin with. Kids are introduced to a wide variety of food, even the babies are not babied. The preparation is adjusted according to their age but the menu is as varied as an adult’s. The author attended a meeting with the chefs of the crèches to discuss the meal plans and the dishes all sounded so gourmet to me. They pay a lot of attention to making kids appreciate different tastes and textures. This is the practice in French homes as well. They serve meals in courses and then talk about the different tastes during the meal. They also have set – breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner. No snacking in between.
French parents also expose their kids to many environments primarily to awaken their senses, not to learn a skill, be good at or win. They also do not interrupt the process of discovery. They just let kids play by themselves in the playground and not constantly hover over them, telling them what to do next or describing everything that’s happening.
Two experiences highlight the cultural differences for the author. She took her daughter to get immunization shots and she apologized for the pain that’s coming. The doctor corrected her, said it’s part of life and she should not apologize for it. In pre-school, her daughter came home with a gash in the cheek but would not say how it happened. Teachers at school also did not know and thought she made too big a deal out of it. A sharp contrast to the US, where the incident would have merited investigations and home visits. I think Filipino parenting is somewhere in between because we believe some germs are good for kids.=) Neil came home with a scratch on his elbow yesterday. He tripped while playing tag his friends. No biggie. I asked him if he cried and he said no. I think it helps kid to get tough when the parents treat these pains and inconveniences as part of life that they have to learn to overcome.
It’s good to be equipped with information but an important part of a parent’s job is in figuring out what works and adapt. There are a lot more stories from the book that were really eye-opening to me but this is getting long. Let me just say that aside from being informative, this was an enjoyable read as well. Two thumbs up.
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