Thoughts on Marriage

We had a bridal shower at the office for Jen who is getting married in 2 weeks. Everyone was asked to give a message to the bride-to-be, starting with the married ones because of experience. I shared the message from the priest in one of the weddings I attended. That when you look back at your marriage, the wedding day should be when you love each other the least. That is, you grow more in love with each other as the years go by.

Now that I've had more time to mull over it, here are more personal thoughts about marriage...

I am not a romantic in the usual girly sense but I do believe in marriage. It’s a blessing to be in one. To have somebody on your team, who loves you and cares for you, supports you, a constant companion who has signed up to stick with you for the long haul. We are all born into families and where we end up is not really our choice. But with marriage, we choose to build a family with someone who used to be a stranger and then commit to do life together. Amazing, right? It's a very big decision and I’m just glad that it wasn’t just me who decided it, but God decided it first.

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord."(Ephesians 5:22) We have all heard of this commandment from the Bible. Without context, it would seem like the husband is the boss.  Many women have a problem with this because we are raised to be independent and demand fairness.  It's not easy, but once we understand that this is not really submission to the husband but submission to God first, then it all makes sense.  It is a system devised by God to make sure there is harmony in marriage. The wife can always share her thoughts, ideas, even disagreements and a good husband will consider them ;) but at the end of the day, the he is the decision-maker.  It is actually a big responsibility on their shoulders because they are primarily accountable to God for the whole family. And let us not forget the second part of the commandment which says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." (Ephesians 5:25).

My next suggestion is to fight fair. If you are disagreeing about something, make sure that you only tackle the current issue and not bring up old ones. I am quite forgetful and don't actually remember even some of the biggest disagreements Rich and I had so this is easy for me. Haha, forgetfulness is sometimes a gift!

Go on couple dates. We did this very rarely when Neil was younger just because it was hard to make time and we just enjoy spending time with the kid, but we're doing better in the date department nowadays.  To clarify, they are not elaborate occasions at all.  Most of the time, we just meet for coffee after work, or watch a movie. Simple lang!  The important thing is to allot time just to yourselves and enjoy each other's company.

Never stop learning. We're very blessed to be part of a church that puts a very high premium on families. The church organizes marriage and parenting seminars, which we always look forward to.  If you think about it, we go to school to study whatever it is we can build a career on, but for relationships, we figure it out for ourselves.  So seminars and books really help.

And a big one, pray together and submit everything to the Lord.  It puts everything in perspective.  We hear about putting God at the center of the relationship a lot because it really works.  Having a higher authority over this relationship, and over our lives, matters most.